chasing perfect
August 23, 2006
i’ve had a strange couple of days. the closer i get to finding a lucrative, highly intriguing job, the more i thrist for music, worship and building leaders. i’m so terrified of ending up in the same state of disatisfaction that i have been prone to that i freeze in the midst of similar opportunities.
why can’t i write my own story? who developed the mold that says i should be back in corporate america so quickly? where is the line between listening to those who care about me and are wise and following my heart?
then i also think, “am i too overzealous and stubborn in my thinking that i deserve to find the right job becaue i was created for excellence and want perfection at optimal standards simply because i’m passionate about my work?” arg. here i am moving for change, for a chance to become more like christ, to become alive – fully … and i’m finding the same mediocrity and apathy as before. i refuse to belive that it’s me and that it’s merely the nature of what im seaking after.
is what i’m chasing the problem to my discontent?
…
… “for my God is able to do exceeding abundantly beyond what i can ask or imagine, according to his power that works mightily in me,” eph. 3:20.
is this so engraved in my heart that i cringe at settling for anything less than what brings me fully alive? and is it so wrong to hold out for that abundance at the risk of being moderately irresponsible?
organic musings 
Does it have to be an either/or situation? Can you work 9-5 and still have the time, energy and desire to do those things that bring you joy?
‘zackly. Who says you can’t find a lucrative, highly enjoyable job and still be involved in “music, worship and building leaders.”
You may need to be open to more than one interpretation of the word “lucrative,” however — and possibly it means richness in spirit sometimes rather than in pocketbook.
This time of life is just like most every other time in life.
Just choose.
50K a year in co.am. and some time for ministry?
20K a year in ministry and some time for co.am.?
They both have an equal amount of good and bad aspects to them.
Here God saying, “Pick one, dammit, and do it with all your heart!”
🙂
cb
Ahem.
“Hear” God, rather.
cb
Yeah, I miss you too!
I wish you could be here.
But then again, I don’t want anything else for you than to be where you are.
Dang.
cb